Called the RE and vent about SIL

And they went as helpful as I thought they would be.

Nurse: " How late are you?"
Me: "well I really haven't had one since the m/c. I had one day of bleeding July 4th and passed a huge clot and nothing since then."
Nurse: "Did you take a test?"
Me: (thought: duh) "Yes, a couple and they have all been neg." "What do you think the clot was?"
Nurse: It probable wasn't from the m/c. I think that was your AF and you just had some clots."
Nurse: Ok so are yall ready to start ttc again or was you still wanting to take some time.
Me: "Honestly I'm not ready. That was my 3rd with still no answer as to why, and I don't think I could go through another one right now."
Nurse: "I understand Mrs Clark. The reason I was asking is, because if you decided that you want to start ttc again then we will make you an appt to come in and he will put you on provera to jump start your cycle and yall can talk about what you want to do next. Since you don't want to start ttc again I say just wait for your cycle to come back on its own. Sometime after a m/c or after you have a baby it takes awhile for AF to show up."
Me:(thought..well how am I suppose to know if it happened like that I have had A BABY!!!!!!)...."ok"
Nurse:" So, when you and your husband decided to start ttc again give us a call! Have a good day Miss Clark."
*Click*

I didn't know why to think. I was/am mad that they wouldn't give me the provera or something to start my cycles anyways. I don't like not having one it makes me feel blah and just bad. And I really hate not knowing whats going on with my body!!! UGH!!! And to be really honest why do I want to jump right in and start ttc again when they STILL don't know why I'm having the m/c. How many more do I have to have before they find out why! I know my prog. was low and that could very well be the problem, but its scary to take that chance again and so soon!!

On another note my SIL's baby showers is today at 5:00 and I'm going to be the worst SIL in the world, because I'm not going! I just can't do it. I don't want to sit there with her and 3 of her friends who are pg and act all happy for her! I am happy for her but I sucks what they all have want I would do anything for!

We went and seen her last weekend and gave her the gift we got her. It was a diaper cake that I made with a bunch of other stuff..That was hard enough. Then she said she wants to show me all the stuff we got, so I looked at dh took a deep breath, put a smile on my face, and said sure.

**Little note: They all know what dh and I have went through and what we are going through so you would think that she would tread lightly on the subject but heck no. Shes even a m/c herself so you would think she would really know how we feel but you wouldn't be able to tell by the way she was acting the other day!

So we go into the babies room and she shows me all of the stuff they bought. Crib, dresser, changing table, clothes and so on then she said.....J (BIL) and I have talked it over and one day when yall have kids we are going to give yall all of this so that yall don't have to buy anything. I'm even going to save his clothes that way if its a boy you wont need much clothes. I just smiled cause at this point I was pissed! Not that getting used stuff is bad or anything like that but dh and I have been waiting for almost 3 years for a baby and when it finally does happen WE are going to go pick everything out and buy everything you know?! Maybe I am overreacting but it just really kinda made me mad. It just really rubbed me the wrong way.

Waiting Waiting And More Waiting!

So I've been going to school for the past year and im done with all the classes I can do till I get into the "program" Oh by the way Im going for my "lpn" (nurse). Anywho I should find out this week if I got into the program and it feels like I've been waiting forever!! Well almost a year! If I dont it will be another 6months or so before I can get in!! UGH So not only and I'm waiting for my letter in the mail of yes or no but I'm STILL WAITING for..guess..what,..........AF!!!!! UGH


WAITING, WAITING AND MORE FREAKIN WAITING!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Where Oh Where Did AF Go...

So STILL no AF wtf! I wouldn't be compiling if I was pg and knew I was pg but come on.
I haven't test again. I had some brown spotting wed night and thurs when I would go to the bathroom but now nothing yet again. I'm not even having cramps or anything to let me know shes on her way! I hope shes having a nice vacation!

Anyways nothing else to really update on. Its been bad weather all week so dh and I are staying in and relaxing and spending time together!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Another PG Friend!

So I found out today that I have yet another pg friend! She don't live around me so I don't have to see her day to day but its the fact of another friend being pg. And she waited forever to tell me cause she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Shes 5 months pg!! And not only that but this is her 2nd one in the time that I have been ttc!! She got pg about the time that dh and I started and now we are almost at our 3 year mark and shes having another one!! Ugh! Let me add that I am happy for her but still it just sucks!! When is it going to be my turn!!

I broke down and took another test and it was still neg. So I'm 100% sure that I'm not pg, my af has just took a break just to play mind games with me! I was so hoping that I would have ONE by 3 years but I guess not!!!

Still No AF

So I haven't updated in a couple of days but to tell you the truth not much has happen. Dh and I didn't do anything this weekend. We rested and spent time together! Which I have to say I love! I love it when we don't have anything to do or any where to go because I only get 2 days with dh so I like it when we can lock ourselves up and do nothing! AF STILL hasn't shown up and that kinda surprises me. I've been a day or two late here and there but never this late unless I was pg! I haven't test since Friday and I going to try and hold off time this Friday and that way I will be 11 days late. I don't know what CD because I haven't been talking any meds.( I was taking Femara) but we are on a "break" for a month or two. So if I did O I have no clue as to when because I've never ever O'ed on my own! lol I'll keep you up to date. Wish me luck and keep us in your prayers!

My Day Is Off To A Bad Start!

Today isn't starting off very good for me! Its Only 8:25 my time and I'm ready for the day to be OVER with!!

I tested this morning with the Answer brand and of course it was neg. I still haven't had any spotting or cramping. So if AF still hasn't showed up by next Friday I will take another test(if I can wait that long).

The other reason my day is off to a very bad start is my mom!! She is driving me up the freaking wall! First thing this morning she called ranting and raving because my dad changed the locks on the house. Shes leaves and she wants him to do everything. She wants him to go file for divorce when he don't want to. She wants him to cont to pay ALL the bills. She gets mad that she can't get into the House cause of the locks and on and on and on. What does she expect? I mean there getting a divorce things are going to change. I just hate that everything is going this way and it makes me mad that she don't even care to ask about me or what I going through. In the last 6months everyone I talk to her she bitching about him! And it really makes me mad! She I hate to say this but shes going to push everyone away till she has no one!

On a good note, dh will be home tonight yay! I miss him so much and really want to see him. Although I have to work Sat which sucks. Are best friends little girl started school today!! :( Shes growing up so fast!) They are like our kids dh introduced me to them when we were dating so they have me in my life since A(that's what we'll call her) was 1 1/2 and now is 5 and starting school!!! And they have another one T who is almost 2!! I can't believe how fast time flies!

Anyways I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Fertility Update

First off hello to my new followers!! lol I'm don't have the most exciting life so it might be boring to read lol. I've had a couple of you say that you can comment and I dont know why. I changed some setting but it still wont work so let me what I can/should do. You can e-mail me at JessicaClark1823@gmail.com.

So now for the fertility update!

I'll do a little bit of background then bring you up to date. So I had a m/c on 6/6. It was light bleeding and nothing really bad compared to my last 2 m/c. Then on July 4th I AF showed up, but only lasted a day and stopped then nothing for 2 days. Then on the 2nd day I was standing up talking to my dh and all of a sudden has this huge huge cramp and pain and felt something down there so I ran to the bathroom and I passed a huge clot (just like the one I had on my 2m/c) and then after that nothing, no bleeding or anything.

So, I posted a question on Babyzone the other day about a hpt. You would think that after 3 years of ttc I would know everything there is to know about ttc, hpts, oks and everything else there is, but here I find myself asing a question. Anywho I took a test Monday morning and ended up having to leave real fast to take something to my dad. Although I have to say I was kinda avoiding it and yall you are ttc know what I mean about not wanting to see yet another bfn. So when I got home about a hour later there was the faintest line on it. So I dont know if it was a BFP or a evap line. Oh and the test brand was a ept. So I bought some more hpt Answer brand and plan on testing in the morning. So I will post in the morning and let everyone know how that turns out. I'm not getting my hopes up at all though. Isnt that sad that we cant even get excited about stuff like this? I am still amazed at how ttc takes so much from you!

I guess thats about it for now! I'll post in the morning once I get to work!!

Parents!

My mom and dad are getting a divorce. Well that's what I say anyways. My mom don't want to work it out at all. She says she is done. While my dad sits around hoping that they are going to work it out! And I have to say this is so stressful. I never would have dreamed that MY parents would go through this. And on the other hand it scares the crap at out of me. I have always looked up to my mom and dad and wanted the type of marriage that they have/had. My parents were the ones that embarrassed you when you were younger walking through Wal-Mart or anywhere holding hands and kissing(You know you parents weren't suppose to do that in public lol). And now they are getting a divorce!

I think the reason it scarea me is because I don't want it to happen to us. Lonnie and I are like them in many ways and seeing them go through this and seeing my dad get really hurt just makes me on edge a little.

I'm not going to go into every details of whats going on because that is their private business but I have to say its stupid! Both me and my brother are grown and out of the house so to say that some of it isn't "empty nest syndrome" would be a lie. Its a situation that some how turned into this which still shocks the hell out of me to be blank. I don't see how they let it get to that point.

My dad has always been a hard person to live with. He is very old fashion and stuck in his ways, but my mom knew this when she married and him. My mom, well I think she wants to be a teenager again. I have no clue what shes thinking or whats going in through her head. The only reasons she has gave is that "he don't listen and she's tired of it!" OK that's a good reason to end a 20 year marriage. In my eyes its both 50/50. They are both being stupid! But my dad is willing to work it out and my mom just don't want to, which in my eyes is wrong and sad.

Everyone says that it shouldn't bother me as bad as it does because we don't live there anymore. Just because we don't live in that house doesn't me we aren't somewhat in the middle of this and doesn't mean it hurts less. Both my brother and I feel like our family is falling apart and there is nothing either of us can do about it! And that's sucks!

Tthis has all happen within 3 weeks. I knew they were having some problems but I didn't think it would come to this. I wanted them to work it out so bad. Who doesn't want their parents to work it out. They have 20 years together that's a long time to throw away. Now I just want it over and done with. I am soooo tired of hearing about it. I know that is sad and a bad thing to say but I am just sooooooooooo tired of it!

Sorry I just really needed to vent over this. lol

Adoption

So dh and I have been talking about Adoption. I have found a site that I really like but you have to be 25-50 and I'm only 23 ugh! But its a good thing in a way. Thats gives dh and I 2 years to pay off all of our bills and start a adiotion fund and save as much money for it. I was told that it could cost 15,000-50,000 so we def would have to save some moeny. And by the time I a 25 it will be right at out 5 year mark of ttc. So we are still going to be ttc and just go from there and see where we are at in two years. I have always thought about adoption even if we didnt have ttc problem. Its something I have always wanted to do so even if we did have a child maybe we would do it anyways.

All about the Clark's

So, I thought that I would start my blog by starting from the beginning and sharing everything Lonnie and I have been through up to this point.

Lonnie and I got married in June 2006. In Aug 2006 I started having female problems and bad pain in my left side. For weeks they told me that it was a Kidney Infection and gave me meds to treat it. Well the pain was there and it wasn't getting any better! So I went to my ob/gyn and he didn't think it was a Kidney Infection and he wanted to do a u/s. So we did the u/s and come to find out a cyst that had wrapped around my tube and was causing my tube to fill with fluid. So he did a lap and removed the cyst. They thought we were going to have remove the cyst but thank the lord they didn't have to. When they told us there was a good chance they were going to have to remove the tube dh and I started talking about having kids. Even though we had only been married for a month we didn't want to take a chance and wait to long and not be able to have kids. We both really wanted to have a family and have kids. So in September we started TTC. If we only knew how long it would take.

In the meantime we moved to NC from Georgia because dh was in the Marines at the time. So my new gyn wanted to track my cycles for a couple of months to see when I ovulated and how long my cycles were and so on. While tracking my cycle we learned that I don't Ovulate so she wanted me to start taking Clomid 50mg. (Clomid is a fertility drug that makes you Ovulate.) I was on the Clomid for a month when I started having bad pains in my left side again. She did another Lap and I had another cyst on my left side. She removed the cyst and also found Endometriosis. (Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus is also found elsewhere in the body, mainly in the abdominal cavity.) Anyone who has Endo knows how painful it is month after month! So after the lap she wanted me to go to a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist aka fertility doctor)

We started to see the RE he wanted to do a u/s and look around. He seen several little cyst and said that he thought that I had PCOS (is an endocrine disorder that affects approximately 5% of all women.It occurs amongst all races and nationalities, is the most common hormonal disorder among women of reproductive age, and is a leading cause of infertility.The principal features are obesity, anovulation (resulting in irregular menstruation), and excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among women. While the causes are unknown, insulin resistance, diabetes, and obesity are all strongly correlated with PCOS.) They did blood work to confirm and it was positive. So he wanted me to stay on Clomid but upped the dosage to 100mg cause the 50 didn't make me O(ovulate). You can only take Clomid for no more then 6 months. So on our 6th month we finally got pg(pregnant) but sadly we lost it at 4 weeks. (September 20, 2007) We didn't know why but was told that unfortunately one m/c (miscarriage) isn't uncommon. People on fertility drugs also cause a higher chance of m/c too. So the next month I found out that I was pg again with no fertility drugs. We were shocked because we weren't even trying. We think there was left over Clomid in my system and that's why I was able to get pg. We were so excited and scared and nervous but all in all happy. During this time dh was getting out of the Marines due to diabetes and we were packing up to move back to Georgia.

I had finally hit the 3 month mark and we were so excited! Now we could relaxe and enjoy being pg right..its that hows its suppose to be? Well not for us a couple of days later I stated to bleed and we went to the hospital. I was a little of 3 months pg but hte baby was only measuring 10 weeks and there was no heartbeat. So about a week later I had to go in for a DNC. (December 20,2007 our 2nd baby Angel)

So with going throug all of that we decided to take a break. We wouldnt stop "ttc" I don't think you ever really can once you start. Those who have had fertility problems know what I mean. We were going to take any meds and just try own our own and if it happen it happens. In the meantime dh got a job where he works out of town all week and is only home on the weekends which sucks but you have to do what you have to do. I went back to school and we bought a house. Then March 2009 we decided we wanted to start going to a RE again.

So we did our research and found a RE in Jacksonville, FL that we want to go to. So we went to him and he put me on Femara which is another ovulation drug. April: The Femara didn't work and I didnt Ovulate so on to the next month..

May: The RE thought that we should try a IUI. An IUI -- intrauterine insemination -- is performed by threading a very thin flexible catheter through the cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into the uterus. The whole process doesn't take very long — it usually only requires the insertion of a speculum and then the catheter, a process that maybe takes a couple of minutes (60-90 seconds to introduce the catheter, then sperm injection, and another 60 seconds or so to remove the catheter — going slowly helps reduce discomfort). So dh had to do another SA and it was really good above normal. Then they wash the sperm and get all the "good" ones they need no less then 5,00o but hope for 10,000 or more. Lonni es was over 15,000 which was really good. So they put me on femara again then we went in for a u/s on CD12 and I had 2 eggs on my right side. I was to go back on CD14 to see if I had a + opk and then we would do the IUI. Well on CD14 the opk was still neg so the did another u/s and the egg was the size it needed to be so they gave me a trigger shot and did the IUI. It didn't hurt at all. I didn't even feel it. So after the did the IUI I had to wait rest there for 10mins and then we could leave. Only thing left to do was to wait 2 weeks to find out if it worked or not. unfortunately it didn't work so on to the next month.

June. Since we had spent so much money on the IUI and Lonnie having to take off work we decided to just get the Femara and try the "old fashion way" and what do you know we got pg yet again!! I went in for blood work a hcg test and progesterone test. My hcg came back normal but my progesterone came back at 15 and it needed to be in the 20's. So they put me on progesterone 3x a day but I didn't get on it fast enough and yet again we lost the baby at 5 weeks.( June 6, 2009). With the bad comes the good I guess you can. Even though we did have another m/c we found out that my progesterone is a problem and I got all kinds of genetic testing done. All of the genetic blood work came back good so there is nothing wrong there. They want dh to do the testing but its $4000.00 + and we just don't have that kind of money right now lol. They did say when we wanted to start "ttc" again they want me to still do the Femara and as soon as I "O" take progesterone till either I get a bfp or I get AF. But for right now we are just taking a break for a little while and saving some money. Insurance don't pay for anything fertility and it adds up big time!