And they went as helpful as I thought they would be.

Nurse: " How late are you?"
Me: "well I really haven't had one since the m/c. I had one day of bleeding July 4th and passed a huge clot and nothing since then."
Nurse: "Did you take a test?"
Me: (thought: duh) "Yes, a couple and they have all been neg." "What do you think the clot was?"
Nurse: It probable wasn't from the m/c. I think that was your AF and you just had some clots."
Nurse: Ok so are yall ready to start ttc again or was you still wanting to take some time.
Me: "Honestly I'm not ready. That was my 3rd with still no answer as to why, and I don't think I could go through another one right now."
Nurse: "I understand Mrs Clark. The reason I was asking is, because if you decided that you want to start ttc again then we will make you an appt to come in and he will put you on provera to jump start your cycle and yall can talk about what you want to do next. Since you don't want to start ttc again I say just wait for your cycle to come back on its own. Sometime after a m/c or after you have a baby it takes awhile for AF to show up."
Me:(thought..well how am I suppose to know if it happened like that I have had A BABY!!!!!!)...."ok"
Nurse:" So, when you and your husband decided to start ttc again give us a call! Have a good day Miss Clark."
*Click*

I didn't know why to think. I was/am mad that they wouldn't give me the provera or something to start my cycles anyways. I don't like not having one it makes me feel blah and just bad. And I really hate not knowing whats going on with my body!!! UGH!!! And to be really honest why do I want to jump right in and start ttc again when they STILL don't know why I'm having the m/c. How many more do I have to have before they find out why! I know my prog. was low and that could very well be the problem, but its scary to take that chance again and so soon!!

On another note my SIL's baby showers is today at 5:00 and I'm going to be the worst SIL in the world, because I'm not going! I just can't do it. I don't want to sit there with her and 3 of her friends who are pg and act all happy for her! I am happy for her but I sucks what they all have want I would do anything for!

We went and seen her last weekend and gave her the gift we got her. It was a diaper cake that I made with a bunch of other stuff..That was hard enough. Then she said she wants to show me all the stuff we got, so I looked at dh took a deep breath, put a smile on my face, and said sure.

**Little note: They all know what dh and I have went through and what we are going through so you would think that she would tread lightly on the subject but heck no. Shes even a m/c herself so you would think she would really know how we feel but you wouldn't be able to tell by the way she was acting the other day!

So we go into the babies room and she shows me all of the stuff they bought. Crib, dresser, changing table, clothes and so on then she said.....J (BIL) and I have talked it over and one day when yall have kids we are going to give yall all of this so that yall don't have to buy anything. I'm even going to save his clothes that way if its a boy you wont need much clothes. I just smiled cause at this point I was pissed! Not that getting used stuff is bad or anything like that but dh and I have been waiting for almost 3 years for a baby and when it finally does happen WE are going to go pick everything out and buy everything you know?! Maybe I am overreacting but it just really kinda made me mad. It just really rubbed me the wrong way.