I haven't had a chance to update in a while so I thought I would..
School is going great!! Its a lot of work for sure. We started last Wednesday and have already had 2 test and a quiz so its a lot but I'm loving it! I'm finally getting into the groove of this which is nice. We start our clinicals next Thursday at a local nursing home so I'm super excited about that.
On fertility note nothing really is going on. I'm still waiting for AF which I think is totally crazy.. that B**** should show up already for heaven sakes!! 4 months is long enough.
Anywho that's about it for now..I have to go do some homework!!
I haven't had a chance to update in a while so I thought I would..
I forgot to update about IF
Nothing much has really happen.. I'm still waiting on AF to show June was the last one.
Sometimes when I got to the bathroom there is a little blood on the tp but not much. Not enough to wear
anything.. I have had some cramp here and there but for the most part nothing. I'm really hoping I start sooner then later. I don't want to start school and then she show on the first week of school that would suck.
I don't know if I posted this or not I cant remember because its been a while. This month or well next week makes the 3 year mark. This month has been really hard on me. I never ever would have dreamed that I would still be ttc 3 years later. I mean maybe we already had one and ttc for the 2nd one but never 3 years without any kids.
Then last night it really hit me that with me getting into the program its going to be another year or so before we can really ttc again. So it would be 4 years. I know it will be better in the long run.. We could save up way more money cause I would be making a lot more and dh could come home for good and wouldn't have to work out of town.. so its really bitter/sweet!
Anyways thats about it!! I hope everyone has a great weekend.
And they went as helpful as I thought they would be.
Nurse: " How late are you?"
Me: "well I really haven't had one since the m/c. I had one day of bleeding July 4th and passed a huge clot and nothing since then."
Nurse: "Did you take a test?"
Me: (thought: duh) "Yes, a couple and they have all been neg." "What do you think the clot was?"
Nurse: It probable wasn't from the m/c. I think that was your AF and you just had some clots."
Nurse: Ok so are yall ready to start ttc again or was you still wanting to take some time.
Me: "Honestly I'm not ready. That was my 3rd with still no answer as to why, and I don't think I could go through another one right now."
Nurse: "I understand Mrs Clark. The reason I was asking is, because if you decided that you want to start ttc again then we will make you an appt to come in and he will put you on provera to jump start your cycle and yall can talk about what you want to do next. Since you don't want to start ttc again I say just wait for your cycle to come back on its own. Sometime after a m/c or after you have a baby it takes awhile for AF to show up."
Me:(thought..well how am I suppose to know if it happened like that I have had A BABY!!!!!!)...."ok"
Nurse:" So, when you and your husband decided to start ttc again give us a call! Have a good day Miss Clark."
I didn't know why to think. I was/am mad that they wouldn't give me the provera or something to start my cycles anyways. I don't like not having one it makes me feel blah and just bad. And I really hate not knowing whats going on with my body!!! UGH!!! And to be really honest why do I want to jump right in and start ttc again when they STILL don't know why I'm having the m/c. How many more do I have to have before they find out why! I know my prog. was low and that could very well be the problem, but its scary to take that chance again and so soon!!
On another note my SIL's baby showers is today at 5:00 and I'm going to be the worst SIL in the world, because I'm not going! I just can't do it. I don't want to sit there with her and 3 of her friends who are pg and act all happy for her! I am happy for her but I sucks what they all have want I would do anything for!
We went and seen her last weekend and gave her the gift we got her. It was a diaper cake that I made with a bunch of other stuff..That was hard enough. Then she said she wants to show me all the stuff we got, so I looked at dh took a deep breath, put a smile on my face, and said sure.
**Little note: They all know what dh and I have went through and what we are going through so you would think that she would tread lightly on the subject but heck no. Shes even a m/c herself so you would think she would really know how we feel but you wouldn't be able to tell by the way she was acting the other day!
So we go into the babies room and she shows me all of the stuff they bought. Crib, dresser, changing table, clothes and so on then she said.....J (BIL) and I have talked it over and one day when yall have kids we are going to give yall all of this so that yall don't have to buy anything. I'm even going to save his clothes that way if its a boy you wont need much clothes. I just smiled cause at this point I was pissed! Not that getting used stuff is bad or anything like that but dh and I have been waiting for almost 3 years for a baby and when it finally does happen WE are going to go pick everything out and buy everything you know?! Maybe I am overreacting but it just really kinda made me mad. It just really rubbed me the wrong way.
So I've been going to school for the past year and im done with all the classes I can do till I get into the "program" Oh by the way Im going for my "lpn" (nurse). Anywho I should find out this week if I got into the program and it feels like I've been waiting forever!! Well almost a year! If I dont it will be another 6months or so before I can get in!! UGH So not only and I'm waiting for my letter in the mail of yes or no but I'm STILL WAITING for..guess..what,..........AF!!!!! UGH
WAITING, WAITING AND MORE FREAKIN WAITING!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
So STILL no AF wtf! I wouldn't be compiling if I was pg and knew I was pg but come on.
I haven't test again. I had some brown spotting wed night and thurs when I would go to the bathroom but now nothing yet again. I'm not even having cramps or anything to let me know shes on her way! I hope shes having a nice vacation!
Anyways nothing else to really update on. Its been bad weather all week so dh and I are staying in and relaxing and spending time together!
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
So I haven't updated in a couple of days but to tell you the truth not much has happen. Dh and I didn't do anything this weekend. We rested and spent time together! Which I have to say I love! I love it when we don't have anything to do or any where to go because I only get 2 days with dh so I like it when we can lock ourselves up and do nothing! AF STILL hasn't shown up and that kinda surprises me. I've been a day or two late here and there but never this late unless I was pg! I haven't test since Friday and I going to try and hold off time this Friday and that way I will be 11 days late. I don't know what CD because I haven't been talking any meds.( I was taking Femara) but we are on a "break" for a month or two. So if I did O I have no clue as to when because I've never ever O'ed on my own! lol I'll keep you up to date. Wish me luck and keep us in your prayers!
My mom and dad are getting a divorce. Well that's what I say anyways. My mom don't want to work it out at all. She says she is done. While my dad sits around hoping that they are going to work it out! And I have to say this is so stressful. I never would have dreamed that MY parents would go through this. And on the other hand it scares the crap at out of me. I have always looked up to my mom and dad and wanted the type of marriage that they have/had. My parents were the ones that embarrassed you when you were younger walking through Wal-Mart or anywhere holding hands and kissing(You know you parents weren't suppose to do that in public lol). And now they are getting a divorce!
I think the reason it scarea me is because I don't want it to happen to us. Lonnie and I are like them in many ways and seeing them go through this and seeing my dad get really hurt just makes me on edge a little.
I'm not going to go into every details of whats going on because that is their private business but I have to say its stupid! Both me and my brother are grown and out of the house so to say that some of it isn't "empty nest syndrome" would be a lie. Its a situation that some how turned into this which still shocks the hell out of me to be blank. I don't see how they let it get to that point.
My dad has always been a hard person to live with. He is very old fashion and stuck in his ways, but my mom knew this when she married and him. My mom, well I think she wants to be a teenager again. I have no clue what shes thinking or whats going in through her head. The only reasons she has gave is that "he don't listen and she's tired of it!" OK that's a good reason to end a 20 year marriage. In my eyes its both 50/50. They are both being stupid! But my dad is willing to work it out and my mom just don't want to, which in my eyes is wrong and sad.
Everyone says that it shouldn't bother me as bad as it does because we don't live there anymore. Just because we don't live in that house doesn't me we aren't somewhat in the middle of this and doesn't mean it hurts less. Both my brother and I feel like our family is falling apart and there is nothing either of us can do about it! And that's sucks!
Tthis has all happen within 3 weeks. I knew they were having some problems but I didn't think it would come to this. I wanted them to work it out so bad. Who doesn't want their parents to work it out. They have 20 years together that's a long time to throw away. Now I just want it over and done with. I am soooo tired of hearing about it. I know that is sad and a bad thing to say but I am just sooooooooooo tired of it!
Sorry I just really needed to vent over this. lol
So dh and I have been talking about Adoption. I have found a site that I really like but you have to be 25-50 and I'm only 23 ugh! But its a good thing in a way. Thats gives dh and I 2 years to pay off all of our bills and start a adiotion fund and save as much money for it. I was told that it could cost 15,000-50,000 so we def would have to save some moeny. And by the time I a 25 it will be right at out 5 year mark of ttc. So we are still going to be ttc and just go from there and see where we are at in two years. I have always thought about adoption even if we didnt have ttc problem. Its something I have always wanted to do so even if we did have a child maybe we would do it anyways.
So, I thought that I would start my blog by starting from the beginning and sharing everything Lonnie and I have been through up to this point.